My Five Takeaways from 2017

Usually the prompts of Blogadda bring out the spontaneous writer in me but this time I had to think and rethink; reflect on the entire year to come up with the lessons I learnt and then to shortlist the important ones for this blog.

So then here are my top 5 takeaways from 2017:

1.       If you can do it, then do it. Do not depend on anyone else:

While we do need help now and then from our siblings; partner; children; friends, colleagues it is always better to first explore the possibilities of doing it yourself. Very often you realize that we can do it by ourselves.

This is what I realized it might be a little difficult, it might take more efforts and more time but eventually I could most of my tasks myself. And it is so much better than waiting for the help, the favour and the ‘I owe you’ feeling you are left with after someone does your work for you.

Most importantly you are saved of the frustration when the person you are counting on does not turn up. And your helplessness makes you feel vulnerable. So while looking at ways of doing my own stuff I came up with more resources of my own. And ended up feeling good about myself. Therefore, Never depend on others what you can do yourself.

2.      Set up a deadline:

I am the kind who hates to be pushed around or threatened with deadlines. So I complete the work in office at my pace. (Fortunately within the deadline). But come to my own personal tasks I get distracted and leave so many half finished projects. And I am easy on myself for not meeting the deadline. The result is I have more ‘To dos’ in my list than the songs in my play list.

But now if I have to finish all those half finished projects I have to set a deadline and be strict about it. Take a step back and look at them if they really need to be given a conclusion or can be done away with. No sense in having so many things and some that I may even have lost interest in.

Setting a deadline for the stuff I am keen on completing is a must. This blog would not be done it there wasn’t any deadline. Lol.

Maybe I can indulge myself in one of those things I have been denying myself after completing the task by the deadline.    

3.      Take regular breaks:

This one is from my workplace. I tend to get engrossed in work so much that I forget to stretch my legs or straighten my spine.And I learnt the hard waythrough the doctor that I need to compulsorily take breaks every hour. Walk around, stretch my legs, rotate my neck and shoulders. Relax for a few minutes before getting back to work.

Sure work is important; but Health is more important if you want to continue to work.

4.      Give online shopping a long break:

I have been buying even groceries online along with the regular online shopping of clothes, cosmetics, books, gifts and underclothes. Yes, even undies. And more from the tempting pop-ups that seem to offer more for less.

Seriously, it has been ages I seem to have forgotten what a regular grocery store looks like because of the malls where you get everything under one roof.

Now I am going to give all the online shopping sites a long break and the malls a miss. Go to the grocery store for groceries; clothes shops for clothes; the weekly vegetable market for vegetables; and such other shops for specific use.

Time to switch to REAL shopping.

5.      Love myself. More:

It is not as if I have not been loving myself or loving myself less; I realized I need to love myself more than before but still not too much.

To love myself more I will stop doing all those things that are a waste of time and instead do things that add value to my live and bring me close to my loved ones.

Like using the  phone for its basic purpose – to talk. So I will be calling up friends and family more. Read books that will both inspire me and enrich my mind. In short do all the things that fall in ‘Feel good; Feel happy’ category without guilt trips. 

No more denials – only love and self care.

There, this sums up the takeaways of the year and I intend to earnestly practice the lessons learnt from these takeaways to make 2018 better than all the previous years.  

‘This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

Musings: Attending a talk at Lamakaan

Musings: Attending a talk at Lamakaan

A nonconformist

Right from childhood she was a little fearless devil. Not afraid of catching the insects, frogs, climbing walls or staying calm in the dark when the power failed.
She had many friends and because of her confidence and daredevil attitude everyone was in awe of her. Not very bright in studies because she hardly sat down with the books they just didn’t seem to interest her except for the story and comic books. Although she would be out playing with her friends and climbing the hills that were at a hand’s throw from where they lived, at school she didn’t participate in any of the games the PT teacher made them play. All those organized games did not interest her. Catching the ball, throwing it back to the opponent team; the drills and the relays did not interest her. Just like the dances and skits in schools. They all seemed so boring. Rehearsing every day after school for the school annual day – not her cup of tea.
Her friends near home were not from her school either. They were from different schools and different backgrounds.   “Don’t let me catch you with them” kind of warnings from her elder brothers had no effect on her. Even in school her friends were those whom the rest of the class avoided either because they were shabby or too poor in studies. These girls were friendless so she became their friend.
It was as if she had decided not to go with the crowd even back then. If everyone said they liked the flower rose, she would say she liked lilies. If all the girls liked Cinderella and snow white she liked Puss in boots. It was never clear if she really liked all the different things or said so for the heck of it. Or to rebel against anything that was common.
But however after finishing school and growing up she had softened and blended in with others though she still did not get along well with her text books and her choice of movies and clothes were still very different from the others. She still retained the distinction although she managed to blend in the crowd. Other girls knew she was different but still one among them.
Despite all these outwardly callousness she had a soft heart that melted on seeing others in trouble. She went out of the way to help people even though she did not know them. She could never learn the street smart ways despite being so well read, outgoing and different. And thus ended up being used because she trusted easily.
Perhaps it was because she had not been with the regular group she never managed to learn or imbibe the ways of the world. She had been in her own world. As a teenager when girls her age were smitten by the love bug she was smitten by the huge volumes of English classics and biographies. She had no business reading those when all other were reading Mills and Boons. But that was how she was.
And paid a price for it for she had no one who could understand her or why she was unlike from others. She became the odd one out. And as a result became broody and philosophical. But there was a bright side to it. She took to writing and more reading.
Because she was different she had developed a different perspective of things. There was more to life than finishing college and getting married. While other girls wrote “to be a good wife and good mother” in the ‘my aim in life’ column of the autograph books in college; she was the only one  who wrote: “to do what I want without being ordered and choose my path to be a good person”.
The others laughed when they read her line but it made no difference to her. She had decided she was not going to be a ‘good wife or a good mother’ without first being a good human being. 
  ‘This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’ 

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Attending a talk at Lamakaan

For some inexplicable reason I love Lamakaan. The name, the architecture, the décor, the ambience, the canteen and the free wifi.

This is what the people who run Lamakaan say:

 Lamakaan is an inclusive cultural space that promotes and presents the best of arts, literature, debate and dialogue with a commitment to being open and accessible.

Lamakaan is: 

• A non-sectarian space with deep respect to grassroots work.
• A place where new generation of artists, thinkers and activists interact and grow.
• A place where people come together and ideas are born
• For new and creative conceptions of unity, rejuvenation and resistance

Lamakaan is yours. Do what you will with it.

The best part is people/ artists/ organizations can use it for free. It used to be the house of M Hassan a documentary film maker who gifted it to his near relative who in turn turned it into a free space for expressions and creativity. What a noble gesture considering the fact that this house ‘Lamakaan’ is situated in one of the post localities of Hyderabad – the Banjara Hills.

Now about the talk I attended on 19^th December, Tuesday was on “Looming Judicial Crisis “by a senior advocate of the Hyderabad High court L Ravi Chander.

I will sum up a few points from the talk that are very relevant to our times now.

·         The judges of our courts to begin with have been put on a very high pedestal, we call them ‘Your lordship, My lord,..’  So I guess they have begun feeling they are above the law as they are already above us the mere mortals. They decide what cases are important and what are not. Never mind the public. A judge is a judge who will even judge whether your petition is worth his precious time.

·         And they all are at least a majority of them politically motivated which explains why some political leaders get away despite heavy accusations of corruption.

·         There are around 46% of vacancies for the posts of judges which means several courts across the country do not have judges and the remaining 64% are burdened. And the Government demands speedy disposal of the trials. Well with so many judges missing speedy trials can mean hasty judgments.

Coming to our state, the Osmania University from where sprouted thousands of activists lobbying for a separate statehood has several vacant posts of lecturers. The Government has not bothered to fill up these vacancies from the last couple of years, expecting that the vacancies for Judges will be filled is definitely a tall order.

·          Public Interest Litigations – the petitions filed for justice on behalf of all the people have in the past yielded wonderful results with so many landmark judgments. But now these PIL’s have become almost extinct  because of the new rules framed by the High court with direction from the Supreme court. As per the new rules the petitioner has to keep a fixed deposit of Rs.50, 000/- which he loses if he loses the litigation. Apart from this the petitioner has to provide all his details including his bank details and sources of income. And he has to be among the one wronged. While earlier any person who was not part of the injury/ damage or had a personal grievance could file in the interest of the others who were wronged.  

·         So gone are the days when PIL s were filed and justice was ensured. With the making of these new rules the process of judiciary has become less democratic.

·         And last if a suit for recovery of Rs. 50,000/- is filed today the person will be granted the order when the value of the 50K becomes RS.5/- which means it will take at least 15 years for a judgment to be passed.

 One thing is clear that today voices of dissent are being stifled and democratic spaces are shrinking.

I never stood a chance, Did I?

“I never stood a chance, did I?” I asked Shalu, my friend from school days whom I accidentally met at the railway station after a gap of 20 long years. And we were reminiscing the good old days as we both boarded the same train heading to the same destination.

Shalu smiled - that pretty smile which was her tool, her accessory, her weapon, and her charm.  In short her ticket to a lot of things which lesser mortals like me had to work twice as hard for those very things.

Her smile seemed to say, “Yes, you are right”. I could tell by the way she smiled -  half in pride and half in arrogance.  But her words contradicted her smile, “Not really Niki,” she said somewhat kindly, as if to compensate for my lack of chance, “You excelled in other things like elocution and creative writing stuff which I could never do and did not even participate in”

But I knew better. I said, “Come on Shalu you are being polite. We all know you were the one who was always selected for all the dramas and dances for the school annual day. In fact you were the first preference and were given the main role.”

She was tall, fair, had long tresses, good features and her smile. The smile was an instant click. Her looks and the added bonus of the lovely smile ensured she was everyone’s favourite.

And I, short, dusky and a little bit on the plump side never stood a chance. I was left to myself when most of the girls did rehearsals for the big day. But this had its positive points. I took to books and became a voracious reader. So much that I did not stop even when I got glasses.

And so when it was time for the competitions especially for essay writing; elocution; debate and pick and speak competitions I would simply jump to participate. And I won always. I felt happy but would have felt happier if Shalu too had participated and lost. But Shalu would not even bother to participate in these competitions.

Shalu was a winner anyway without even participating in these competitions. She would be on the stage in at least 3 events and all parents would notice the pretty girl with the lovely smile. I too had my proud moments when I would walk up the stage to receive my prizes but still somewhere the snake of envy would hiss and instead of being elated I would envy Shalu.

I had more reasons to envy Shalu because she was my immediate neighbor too. And my parents would praise her, my sisters would praise her, my brothers would go gaga over her just as the neighbourhood boys did.

After we passed out of class 10 and thankfully Shalu and her family moved to a different place and I learnt to value myself and my talents. And by the time I was graduating and was in my teens the mirror told me I was not really that bad. I was looking good too. Even with my glasses. ‘But not good as Shalu,’ the snake hissed again.    But I silenced it and enjoyed my life and eventually carved a path for myself in the career I chose.

And now after meeting Shalu and while discussing school days and the bygone memories I had to face the truth and say, “I never really stood a chance against you”.

Even now when she told me she was married to Pradeep, the handsome hunk in our neighborhood who was 2 years older to us and all us girls had a crush on I realized, I really never stood a chance. Shalu was in touch with Pradeep even after leaving the town and their love blossomed and they eventually married.

I had long forgotten Pradeep after his family shifted the locality. But come to think of it, Shalu got him simply because she was the pretty girl who stole hearts with her charming smile.

Shalu said, “You know, Niki I always envied you for your eloquence, the powerful debates you gave and how in a few minutes you came up with good points in the extempore. You were one intelligent girl. And look where you are now today. An established widely read author! I am a fan of your writing dear”

Shalu was smiling her pretty smile while I looked at her with my mouth agape for a second and quickly recovered myself.

“I too attempted at writing,” Shalu confessed “but I know with writers like you in the arena I will not stand a chance. So I just write my private journal.”

Should I feel vindicated?  I was not really happy that Shalu was not confident of herself. We exchanged our addresses and promised to meet soon as we now lived not far from each other. And then I would talk Sahlu into taking up her pen, I decided. Everyone has a chance, everyone gets a chance once. All we have to do is try, never give up and be on the look for channelizing our energies in the right direction - the direction of our dreams.

True I never stood a chance as against Shalu. But I got the chance to be me.

  ‘This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’ 

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Mask and a child

Last week we organised a health camp in a slum at Balapur, Hyderabad. And this little boy found a disposable doctor mask on the ground and made it a bag like thing by putting a stone it. Thought it rather cute. And he actually gave a smile after he realised that I am not going to scold him. ☺☺

Pics clicked from my Samsung Pro :)) 

I argued with my wife

Fancy dress competion, it says "I argued with my wife"

No, not me. I am a woman. This is about the picture posted here which is circulating in whatsapp with the caption ‘fancy dress competition; it says “I argued with my wife” with laughing smileys. At first I ignored it as an ignorant joke. But when I got it from other groups, I was kinda irked and asked, “What is fancy about it?”

“That’s for a laugh, don’t take it seriously” I was told.

There’s nothing fancy when you get a little boy dressed up in plasters and bandages. It’s a depiction of a wounded person who supposedly “argued with his wife”. Seriously!!???

Is that how men end up when they argue with their wives? Unless of course if the wife is a wrestler/ boxer with an ill temper. There must be hardly a handful of women who beat their men. And men who beat their women? Countless. Women are always at the receiving end and when you reverse it, it becomes a joke sometimes, and other times the reactions vary questioning “what kind of a woman she is?” and the man is not spared either "what kind of a man he is getting  beaten up"; henpecked, joru ka ghulam, etc, etc...

Reverse the scenario and have girl dressed up as “I argued with my husband”. How would the viewers react? I don’t think that would make them laugh at least the women would not laugh I am sure. That’s domestic violence they would say for sure.

So is domestic violence a laughing matter?

And what about the children especially the child who is dressed up like that? What kind of impact it would have on them? What are the messages we are sending to the children when on one hand we want gender equality and on the other we make light of violence at home whether inflicted on men or women.

Sure, I agree this must be just one event in one school somewhere in India. But every step counts when we want to create a gender just society.

Or have I lost my sense of humour as my friend chided me when I put across my view.